Jewish Wisdom for Dark Times

What a devastating week. In the days since Sarah Milgrim and Yaron Lischinsky were shot to death leaving an event at the Capital Jewish Museum in Washington, D.C., Jews around the country have been cycling through a torrent of emotions: grief at the senseless killing of a young couple; outrage at a culture where online anti-Israel sentiment morphs into real-world violence; gratitude for increased security at our preschools, synagogues, and community centers; and terror at the reality that simply being in or around Jewish spaces puts a target on our back.

I feel all of that too. 

So I did what I always do in dark times—called someone smart to talk it through. Rabbi Diana Fersko, a friend of GOLDA and one of my favorite spiritual leaders and thinkers, generously shared some wisdom for this challenging moment. Here’s our conversation.

I'm trying to help myself—and my readers—process everything that happened this week, but I'm struggling. I'm wondering what you’re thinking and talking about in a moment like this one.

I think it's a good day to hug your children. I think it's a good day to do something nice for yourself. I think it's a good day to do something positive for the Jewish people, whether that's giving a small tzedakah donation to somebody who needs it, or saying a blessing or touching a mezuzah when you walk into a door, or even making a social media post. I think it's a good day to do something positive, because what's happened is so shocking, negative, painful, and predictable given the rhetoric and the energy that's been out there and been allowed to fester in our country.

I feel grateful to be a part of the fight against hate. That's something I always say to people that work with me: how empowering it is to be able to contribute to the Jewish community, especially in these really challenging and dark moments. 

The last time we spoke for GOLDA was the week we found out that the Bibas boys had been murdered. You shared the blessing for children on Shabbat as something we could do that week to infuse our lives with a little more Jewishness. What are some things we should be doing in this moment? 

It says in Genesis, at the very beginning of the Torah: It is not good for man to be alone. That's the essence of what it means to be a Jew. Don't do it alone. 

Judaism is based on a minyan: ten people. We don't have the idea that other traditions do—that to fulfill your religion, you should hike up a mountain alone and have a solitary journey. Being Jewish is anything but a solitary journey. 

People who have a built-in Jewish community have people to talk to. They have friends to call and text. They know that on Shabbat, they will show up and see each other. If you don't have a community, now's a good time to take a tiny step into making one. You can Google any synagogue to find out about their Shabbat services. You can walk in there and be anonymous, you don't have to be a member, you can sit in the back and listen. You'll still feel that comfort from the community.

I think that Jewish people have dealt with tragedy for centuries. We don't do anything to undo the tragedy or make it better. It can't be fixed. That's the nature of a tragedy. But we can be with each other. That's why being a Jew is structured the way it is. 

You say we can’t undo a tragedy. But is there any way to make sense of what happened? 

I think what you're asking is “How do I feel better?” And you don't feel better. You feel awful because two of our brothers and sisters were murdered. You can't get rid of that or undo it, and there's just no sense in going down that road. 

But I also think that Jews have a focus on life and on living, and that's why I started with “Hug your children.” It’s not just because they make you feel good, but because the future—and Jewish life—is the essence of what we do. So anything you can do to contribute to the Jewish future is meaningful. It’s not about you feeling better as much as it is about building the world better.

It feels like something changed with the shooting, like we’re in a new era. 

I said to my mom yesterday, “It's a new day in America.” That's how I feel. Most every day of my life, I'm walking out of a Jewish institution, multiple times. And that's basically true of everyone in my life, maybe not every day, but every week or every month, and that's scary to me. 

But what's also scary is that there are a lot of cultural influencers, political leaders, and media organizations that don't understand or refuse to acknowledge the depth of what's happened and the chill it's put through the Jewish community. Not only is it outrageous and dangerous, but on a psychological level, it's deeply invalidating.

A lot of people in the past year and a half become activated and are trying to figure out how they can dig into their Jewish identity. This is the type of horrible thing that either scares you away or makes you dig deeper. How do we make this tragedy lead to a better moment in Jewish life in America? 

I don't think we can wrap it up in a bow. There's no easy answer. If a Jew can just be gunned down on the street for walking out of a Jewish organization, and that's the tone and the environment in America, it’s very scary. Maybe next week, I'll have an answer, but today is just not the day for easy answers.

Is there anything you're like turning to for comfort in this moment? 

Something I shared with my congregation is a Jewish teaching I always try to live by:

All the world's a narrow bridge, but the key is not to be afraid. 

I admit it’s hard to live by that teaching today, because I do feel a little afraid. 

I also like to read the Book of Psalms. It's a good thing to do when you need healing. And I look for comfort in my Jewish community. I find the Jewish community very inspiring. It's multi-generational, with people from all walks of life, some who are older and have been through a lot. That's where I go for comfort: prayer and synagogue. 

I’m so grateful to Rabbi Diana Fersko for this conversation. I also highly recommend her 2023 book, We Need to Talk About Antisemitism, where she brilliantly lays out the challenges facing the Jewish community right now and what to do about it. Chapter 6 is called “We Need to Talk About Israel,” and it covers campus antisemitism and how to fight Israel-based antisemitism.

And here’s Diana’s guide to blessing your children on Shabbat from earlier this year.

Might I also suggest a light-hearted Jewish activity this weekend? The film Bad Shabbos is opening in New York City and select cities, and it’s both incredibly Jewish and incredibly entertaining. I’ll be sharing my conversation with the film’s director and co-writer Daniel Robbins here soon. You can find theaters and showtimes here.

Shabbat Shalom, GOLDA gang. We’ll see you next week.

Stephanie